A Juggling Act

Most days are creatively scheduled and full of reshuffling of activities. I could not make my house run smoothly on a daily basis without my dedicated husband and color coded dry erase calendar on my refrigerator. I am infamous for double and sometimes even triple booking myself with family events and activities, but I ALWAYS make it work. I pride myself on that. I am dependable. I show up.

This past weekend was no exception. We had work, a band performance, a visiting family member from out of town, one year photo shoot, housework, party prep, and a cookout. This is actually a very light weekend. Some of these things some kids can't or don't want to go to. We don't all fit in one car to go places as a family. That means sitters, vehicle logistics, meal planning, etc. My best and most reliable sitter for the littles can't consistently look out for the teen boys because they do not consistently listen to her. Everyone, including my sitter gets home at different times in the afternoon, all after we had to leave for the performance. Plus I was thrown the curveball of one sitter falling ill and a teenager doing shady things.

Now, my already creatively scheduled days are made even more complicated by a teen boy that should be allowed to stay home alone in short bursts having to have constant supervision and I am down a sitter. Today, I am working in the office, one child is home with a lovely rash she picked up at school and can't return with and has to go to the doctor, there are our regular Monday night activities that only one can participate in, but the other has photos tomorrow we have to pick up the outfit for even though she can't go to class. Oh, and that rash...it's on her face, with group activity photos tomorrow, so no rescheduling option. I have work training tomorrow, then activity photos. Wednesday, that's a school performance, Thursdays are for appointments in the evenings five to seven, and Friday is a field trip we are chaperoning and the psychiatrist appointment I have to cancel. This is all in addition to my husband and I both working full time. This is in addition to prepping for my baby's first birthday party this weekend. This is all while handling all the daily parenting responsibilities of playing referee, helping with homework, checking chores, planning and cooking dinner, bedtime routines, etc.

Often I am told with a shake of a head, "I don't know how you do it." Occasionally, people will ask me how I do everything I do. These reactions to my day to day and schedules always confuse me, because for me, it has never occurred to me that there was ever any other option than to just figure it out. When things are added to my plate or get tricky, I just do. It has never crossed my mind a single time to just not do the things I do.

I know I am about to sound a little high and mighty for a minute and I promise I won't stay on my soap box long, but I do not understand the parents that don't. How can you not be actively involved and aware of every aspect of your children's lives? Does missing even a school event not completely destroy your day and break your heart? I know that the way my babies light up when they find me in a crowd, or even the little smirk and head shake I get from my teenagers when I am cheering for them makes whatever creative solution I had to find to get there so very worth it. I am proud of my babies and would move mountains to make sure they knew it. Don't get me wrong, I have had to miss a thing or two, but not without reason and an effort to fill those seats with people that will support them just as loudly as I would have.

I almost had to miss a performance last week because of mandatory training for work. I would have requested it off and been excused, but I got the performance date after the class was scheduled. It was day 5 of a 5 day training. When I spoke to my son about it, he was less upset about it than I was and told me there would be others I could go to and it was fine. I was devastated at the idea of missing it and baffled that he was not concerned. My husband told me, "You know it's because you are at everything that this is not a big deal to him right?" It put it in perspective a bit. He knew that it was a drop in the bucket compared to all I do for him and I needed to know that too. I was less upset, a little anyway. Guess what though...I figured it out. I creatively scheduled the end of my work day, completed my training and got to be there to support him and see that smirk.

Now, I can not write about how I juggle things without giving credit where it's due. I could not do anything without my strong and extensive support system. I have an involved and capable husband who is an equal partner and parent. I have siblings, parents, in-laws, and friends that help us at the drop of a hat when asked. I have one sister that if my husband was my right hand, she'd be the left, because she knows how my brain works almost as well as he does. She knows what I want and expect with my kids and even is the only one that can consistently see my event visions to help me make it happen. She has even started recruiting her own friends to come help when she babysits, expanding the village we are so grateful for even more. Supportive, family-oriented, stable jobs with understanding bosses are also a HUGE help to us. I know we are lucky.

I know not everyone has a village. I know that sometimes even if you do, parenting can feel isolating. Even in my crowded home with people constantly surrounding me, I have felt all alone. I have felt it's all on me and my kids are my responsibility and I should not need to ask for help, but a drowning parent can not effectively care for their kids. My village allows for me to be more present for each of my littles. My village allows for me to occasionally care for myself. Build yourself a village if you don't already have one. Think on who your village is.

Who could you call if you had to go to a family member ill out of town? Who could you turn to if you had no groceries to feed your family? Who could you call if you lost your home tomorrow? Who could babysit if daycare/school closed and you had to work? Maybe you do not have family, maybe your friends aren't responsible, but that doesn't mean you don't have people. Have you considered that the neighbor that waves to you each morning is a retired daycare teacher? That church down the road, I bet they have a food pantry and parents group. Most schools have a PTA/PTO. The coworker that you liked but work opposite shifts of, maybe you could trade childcare hours or sitter references? Maybe you just want to arrange to go out to dinner with them one night. Not everyone makes friends easily, I get that, I sure don't trust easily or leave my kids with just anyone, but a village doesn't have to mean extra babysitters, it could just be supports in other areas that make your parenting journey just a little bit easier.

That's it, there's my little golden nugget of wisdom. Make connections to build your village and use a monthly dry erase calendar!