Best and Worst

One day I noticed that asking my kids about their day got really frustrating. They would get home and say, "Good." or "It was school." or "Meh." Even when I asked about what they did that day, it seemed to be the same things, "Not much." or "Read stuff." or "Math." I would try to probe deeper only to be met with, "I don't remember." or "Same thing we've been working on." I would get frustrated, they looked bored. I read somewhere online once a list of better open ended questions, such as "What is a kind thing you did today?" and "How were you a good friend today?" Nice in theory, but again, many "I don't know"s and repeated answers, like "helped a friend."

As parents, we have always prided ourselves on open and regular conversations with our kids about everything, but their hours at school were becoming a mystery from their perspectives. We knew their grades and what their coursework looked like, but nothing of their interactions and feelings during the school day. How they were to their friends and as people, except the teacher's good behavior reports. It really bothered me.

I do not know where this idea came from, probably a google search or another mom blog, but this idea has stuck for a long time now. It is quick, easy, practical, and opens up dialogue that changes each day. At dinner, every single night, yes we eat all together as a family consistently, we go around the table and each family member, even us, states their best and worst part of their day. We make them pinpoint, even if the days aren't that eventful, what part of their day made them the happiest or feel the best, and which part was the lowest, least awesome part of their day. We do not let "school" be the best or worst part, they have to say which part of school made it their best or worst in the whole day. Sometimes it takes a little more prying and digging into what they think of, but most of the time they can easily identify the biggest highlight of their whole day and the one thing that wasn't as good. Almost all the time, each high and low leads to a follow up breakout conversation. This little check in usually gives us our entire dinner conversation for the evening.

Now, I know very well that having dinner together every single night is not always a thing even for those of us that prioritize it. Sometimes there are performances, games, family obligations, and various other activities that make it not possible, and that's okay. Heck, some nights I just want to sit and watch a movie with the kids while we have dinner. That's okay too. You know when we do the check in? When we are saying goodnight, when we are tucking them in. If I know we have plans not to have dinner at home or at the table, I can ask after school during snack time. It can be a whole talk or just a quick check in.

This is a favorite for our house too because it took no time to learn what my individual children prioritize. Addison almost always says the best part of her day is linked to her little sister or her aunt being there after school. Family brings her joy. Aiden often says that band or lunch are the best part of his day, he really loves laid back time with friends. Devon was usually the one to mention something new he was working on, a new skill on the guitar or programming project. He prioritizes his accomplishments. Felicity gets her turn to speak, but is just starting to understand what we are asking her. She usually just tells us what friends and teachers she saw that day. She does not understand yet what worst means and everything she remembers happened "yesterday."

No matter what our babies choose to share with everyone, we make sure we are fully engaged and interested. We ask questions, we comment, we make sure they know they are heard, and their time to share is uninterrupted by their siblings. Everyone, even the parents, get a chance to talk and everyone listens. Some days the kids are itching to share first, some days they ask to be skipped for time to think, but never has this not been a positive thing for us.