Family Values

I was doing really well to post for you all once a week. That has since not been realistic. This week, here I am on post two, so maybe I will just do these as I have the time, or maybe I will schedule them so they are spaced out some. If you have a preference or suggestion on how often you would like to read my musings, comment and let me know please.

Today though I am going to talk about the title of this blog post, family values. What exactly is a value? Google gives a long wordy definition, but basically, it is a belief that guides your lifestyle choices. Family values are the core beliefs that shape your priorities as a family. They dictate how your time is spent and what activities, interactions, and behaviors you will partake in to make these beliefs a reality in your home.

Every family has different values. Beliefs are largely determined by many factors that vary by person, such as culture, religion, personal experiences, and what stage of life you are in. For example, you may believe as a teenager that your friends are the most important people in your life and all your time should go to them. You then have a child and believe that they should be the priority when planning your time. Your values/beliefs of what is most important to you has changed.

What does this have to do with you as a parent? Having clear family values leads to clear family expectations of behavior for everyone in the family. This has a host of benefits that include things like better communication, security, strong character development, aiding in decision making, morals, structure, and creating stronger bonds. A sense of family connection through shared values also help mental heath.

Family values impact everything from milestones decisions to daily parenting choices and guidance given. Knowing what your family values are can also help you with developing family goals. I plan to do another post on how to set a family goal and also one on family strengths that will help you achieve those goals that you may not have even thought of as a strength you have. Today though, I want to leave you with seven examples of values that WebMD says promotes healthy households and how to implement them into your own if you agree with them being important.

• Empathy: Treat all other living things with respect, compassion, and understanding.

  • Encourage your children to talk about their feelings, model sharing with others, and participate in volunteer activities.

• Family Time: Prioritize spending time with both immediate and extended family as much as possible.

  • Quality family time can include cooking, exploring, inviting extended family to share in activities to create memories, game nights, and watching tv together.

• Honesty: Tell the truth to maintain trust.

  • Give consequences for lying, model ethical behavior, and do not punish for telling the truth.

• Love: Care for your family.

  • Give small but thoughtful gifts, provide physical affection, and verbally express your feelings. You would be amazed how much a simple "I love you" can mean to someone.

• Loyalty: Support each other in difficult times and do not intentionally harm each other.

  • Encourage family members to share feelings, do not shame them for making mistakes, and make caring for the family a priority.

• Perseverance: Work together to overcome obstacles that your family faces.

  • Create shared goals and practice self care (yeah, I know).

• Respect: Treat people with care and politeness.

  • Discourage disrespectful behavior, set boundaries, and teach polite manners.

Instilling family values takes time and consistency. Make sure that your children know why these things matter. Praise them when they make choices or act in a way in line with the values you want to become natural. I was recently tasked with identifying some of my own family values and was surprised to see how many we had, even just picking from a premade list. If you are still with me this far, I will wrap this up with the top four values I listed as most important and how we put our values into action.

• Be there for your kids.

• Keep your promises.

• Love your kids.

• Make big decisions together.

Now, these clearly all tie together, but these four values are most important for me to put into action in my household because all children should know they are loved first and foremost. I had a parent in my life that was inconsistent at best. I had many experiences where I was told one thing or promised something that I never got. This included core basic things like time with that parent. I have had that experience many times in my life outside of that relationship too and it has stuck with me. I will not promise my children anything that is not a sure thing. I do not even tell my children a plan to go somewhere or that we are going to have a visitor unless they are on the way. The world will disappoint my children, I will disappoint my children, but they will never be blindsided by anything I can control. I keep them age appropriately informed of all things, especially changes that will greatly affect their lives. Even if we as parents have to make a choice that is nonnegotiable, they are at least made aware of it and the why behind it.

"I love you" is ALWAYS the last thing I say to my children, whether it is as they leave for school, go to bed, or are hanging up a phone call. We try to be as consistent as we can in all things. We eat dinner together as a family every single night with no phones. We check in regularly and frequently with all of our children.

People do not like to think of children as people, but we should all know by now that the experiences that our children have, the values that are taught, and the way we speak to them all have an impact on who they will become and what their own legacy will be. Parenting should be as intentional as you can be. I never want to be famous, I don't want my words to be quoted a century from now. I want my kids to not be damaged by me, I want my grandchildren and theirs to remember the person I was because my children tell them stories and model the behaviors I am trying to teach. I want my legacy to be healthy, happy, well rounded children that positively touch those around them. I want to be the change I wish to see in the world and spread that change with my family.