Parental Preferences

You always hear about “Mommy’s boy” or “Daddy’s girl.” In my experience, though, kids tend to be more attached to the parent who takes care of them consistently. They crave the attention of the parent who’s around less. I was always what they call the default parent for my firstborn, and he has always been a mama's boy. George’s firstborn naturally defaulted to him too, because it had always just been them. We were their stability and comfort, so they were closest to us.

The Dynamics of Parenting

With Addison, it’s different and kind of great. George and I are both very involved and hands-on parents. We both want to comfort and teach, but we do it in very different ways. We’ve always done things with her together, as a family, and individually. We both have an amazing relationship with her where she confides in and shares with both of us equally. Some days she wants me, and some days she wants him. When I was working more, she wanted me more. When he was working outside the home and I wasn't, she wanted more time with him. The parent who’s away a little more gets asked to do games, stories, and bedtime routines a bit more often. It changes and fluctuates, but neither of us is the default parent.

Felicity's Unique Attachment

Felicity was a little different because she knew me first. She clung to me as the only familiar person when she joined our family. I was her safe place. Now, she comes to us both equally, but she’s definitely learning how to work the system. She knows if I say no, Dad will probably say yes—unless he knows I said no. She’s started asking him first because he’s nicer. They all default to him a bit more for permission because he’s more likely to let them do things.

Every morning, with very few exceptions, I’m the one who goes to get her out of her crib when she wakes up or wakes her up for school. He probably wakes her up more from naps, but I only don’t get her out of bed in the mornings if the baby is actively nursing, which isn’t typical. On weekends and school days, I’m the first face she sees. However, if she wakes up on her own, she doesn’t call for me. She doesn’t try to get out of bed or cry. Instead, she yells “Dad!” as loud as her little voice can muster. It’s like she knows he’s the one who needs to come get her for the day.

The Morning Routine

Every. Single. Morning. I’m home, and he’s either taking the bigger kids to school or still asleep. I’m the only one who wakes up to her yells; he snores on unless I wake him. I’m the one planning her outfit for the day with matching shoes and accessories. Despite me being the one every day, she still yells for him. Sometimes she even tells me, “No, I want Dad,” when I go in to say good morning.

Just last week, she was up early, and he hadn't left yet. I simply walked back out and sent him in. I let her hurt my feelings. A couple of days ago, she was eating her snack at the table, playing in her booster seat. I was literally ten feet away in the open connected living room, and she fell out of it but caught herself, hanging sideways between the table and her seat. She looked at me and STILL yelled for George to come help her! Ridiculous, right?

Ethan's Preference

Meanwhile, there’s Ethan, who loves his dad so much. But when he’s tired, he’s recently decided that only I can hold him. Mind you, I’m also the only one who can feed him because he won’t take a bottle and is just starting purees. He’s what the internet calls a velcro baby. I had never heard that term until this baby. He’s an amazing baby, happy all the time except when tired. But when he wants to be held, he makes it crystal clear—and that’s almost all the time. He prefers to be in one of our arms most of the time. Even when he feels like playing in his mat or activity seat, he’s constantly checking to make sure we see him seeing us.

We’re officially at the stage where I can’t leave his line of sight, even briefly, without him having a full-blown meltdown.

The Sweet and Frustrating Reality

I think the point of this post is that the parental preferences of kids can be both sweet and frustrating. It’s amusing and infuriating at the same time. It can make you feel proud and needed one second and irrelevant and disregarded the next. Are you the default parent? Or do you and your co-parent share the joys and burdens? I’m genuinely curious how other family dynamics work.